you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
