Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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