the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
