Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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