When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
