sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
