There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
