There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
