i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
