The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
