we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
