Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
