Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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