would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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