I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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