This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
