had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
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