That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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