3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
