So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
