Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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