In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
