whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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