dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
