Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
