I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
