Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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