I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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