I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
