the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
