More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
