I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
