shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
