i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
