i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We had sex on a dog bed..
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
