Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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