Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
