1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
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