i was rollin on her like bob the builder
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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