My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
