Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
