your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
