I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
