morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
