Duck Duck Cougar?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
