The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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