You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
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