haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
