Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
