so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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