remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
