i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
