I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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